“I feel sorry for Joe; he has to go home with you.”
How is it that words spoken nearly 25 years ago can press into your spirit anew when you least expect them?
What had I missed? Had I said something wrong? Been annoying?
As far as I’d known, it was a carefree holiday meal at my parents house.
Frayed and loosely-knit, we weren’t a family who gathered often, so I’d enjoyed the time to catch up with everyone that night.
As the evening was winding down and we were saying our goodbyes—there they were.
The words that spilled so effortlessly from my mother’s lips—landing so heavily within my psyche.
Interesting how words can catch you off-guard yet feel so familiar, all at once.
Unlikeable, unlovable, not enough, unwanted, unneeded, unworthy, disgraced. All familiar sentiments that cried within my spirit.
They weren’t bad people, my parents. They worked hard, put a roof over my head, food in my belly and shoes on my feet.
And, more than anything, I’ll always be grateful to them for taking my eight-year-old-self to the little southern church where I met the Lord of my life.
But, every so often, sharply-spoken words of yesteryear creep through the rusty back door of my psyche and plop themselves down on the sofa as if they belong.
And silly me—I sit with them awhile. In the shame. The unworthiness. The hurt.
My favorite phrase in all of Christian life—But God.
Friends, I don’t know that we’ll ever outlive the whys or the wishing-away of hard things.
But, what I do know is that God harvests barren fields. Tweet This
That lack of belonging left an emptiness in me—creating space for compassion. They say, “it takes one to know one,” and I believe that.
My spirit recognizes the one who believes she’s not enough—the sister who needs to know she belongs.
And friends, if all that went before made space for this in me—then amen to it.
What about you? Are there any “But God” moments you’ve been able to find the amen in?
We’re not quick to wish for it, but pain abounds in this world, doesn’t it?
Recycling the broken, resurrecting the barren, restoring the restless—how sweet the grace of knowing—He’s the God of the pain and the glory. Tweet This
Pain begets Purpose—
the beautifully-messy, hard-won testimony of a “But God” life.
Friends, next week we welcome Jill Savage to the table for Part 2 of the “But God” series. I know her words will bless, and to get the party started–I’m sharing a copy of her latest book No More Perfect Marriages today. Yay!
To enter, share a “But God” moment, or prayer request, or anything else on your heart today. (Randomly-selected winner announced next week.)
AND!! We’ll have two other wonderful giveaways to go along with Jill’s post next week! I can’t wait to share my friend Jill with you. I know she’ll bless us all, so be sure to join us next week for some wise words and fun gifts.
And, one last little giveaway today. This is one of the coloring pages I had made for my subscribers. It’s so perfect for this series, I wanted you all to have it. Please feel free to download and enjoy it. Thank you for joining me in this series—and for joining me in this beautifully broken thing called life. Because ministry is always more fun with friends.
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