So pleased to have Jill Savage guest-posting with us today for Part 2 of the “But God” series. I trust her words will bless.
My emotions swirled in frustration during this terribly dark season of my marriage.
My husband’s disillusionment with life, God and our marriage had taken him to a place of rock-bottom depression and I had recently discovered that he had been unfaithful.
“God, you have to show me what you want me to do,” I cried out in desperation, wishing the heavens would open up and tell me what to do in a clear voice.
Instead, “I want you to love him” is what I heard deep in my soul.
Immediately I responded, “But God … he’s not very lovable right now.”
“But Jill. Sometimes you aren’t either,” God whispered back.
“Okay, Lord. I get that. You love me when I’m not very lovable. You’re going to have to show me how to do the same.”
That conversation with God launched a much-needed lesson about what real love looks like in everyday life as a wife and a mom.
Love is a blend of affection, devotion and loyalty. It is part emotion and part commitment.
Our imperfect family members need to know that our love is never in doubt. It always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres.
I opened my Bible to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and began to perform a love audit as it related to my husband:
- Love is patient. Am I patient with my husband who is so different than I am?
- Love is kind. Am I kind when it takes my husband twice the amount of time to find something I could find in 5 minutes?
- Love does not envy. Do I wish my husband were more like someone else’s husband?
- Love is not proud. Am I hesitant to share how I’m really doing out of a fear of what people will think?
- Love does not dishonor others. Do I ever dishonor my husband, demanding he be someone other than the unique person God has made him to be?
- Love is not self-seeking. Am I ever selfish in my interactions with my husband?
- Love is not easily angered. How much energy do I waste being angry at my husband?
- Love keeps no record of wrongs. Do I have an ongoing list in my head about everything my husband has done wrong?
- Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Do I keep my mind focused on God’s truth about my husband?
- Love protects. Do I protect this unique human being God entrusted to me even when he frustrates me?
- Love trusts. Do I trust that God has a bigger picture in mind for my husband’s life?
- Love hopes. Do I hope and believe the best for my husband, or do I dread what tomorrow might bring?
- Love perseveres. Do I keep my mind on the future possibilities rather than focusing on the difficulties and challenges I’m dealing with today?
As I completed my love audit, my initial “But God” objection turned into a “But God…” transformation as I learned how to love in a deeper way.
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Eventually my husband shared that it was the love he received that he didn’t deserve that brought him back home.
Our marriage should be a statistic, but today it’s intact and God is using our story to help other couples.
But God.
Jill Savage is an author, speaker, teacher and encourager. I first met Jill when I began volunteering with Hearts at Home years ago. Over the years, I’ve watched Jill go through many “But God” seasons of life—and friends, I can assure you, she’s the real-deal. You can see the Jesus in her. I continue to be impressed with how she’s shown up and allowed God to use her life in the highs and in the lows. Her testimony of grace is an inspiration, and I’m blessed to call her friend.
Jill’s newest book, co-authored with her husband Mark, No More Perfect Marriages, is the third in the No More Perfect series. And, she’s getting ready to unveil her newest adventure in April—The No More Perfect Date-Night Community— a place where you can invest in your marriage without leaving your home or hiring a sitter! How great is that?! Click the link to be notified of the launch, so you’ll be sure not to miss it. You can follow Jill at her site and on social media. I know you’ll be blessed by her wisdom and grace.
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Jill,
Thanks so much for sharing your personal journey….I have walked a similar path. Now, it’s a daughter that I am trying to love who is not being very lovable right now. She’s not in a good place and is basically blaming all her unhappiness on me. It’s hard not to get defensive, but like you said, we need to look at how good loves our imperfect selves and extend that grace to others in our lives.
Blessings,
Bev
Bev @ Walking Well With God recently posted…Try Harder, Try Harder, Try Harder
Bev, yes sometimes it’s our spouse and sometimes a child, or a nieghbor, or a co-worker that God uses to teach us how to love more like Him!
Brenda & Jill – This is such a wonderful and encouraging post. These thoughts & questions can be applied to so many of our relationships. It is true that as we pray and love others, we are often changed as well. Love is a commitment and on those days we think we cannot love, we only need to ask God to deposit an extra measure of His love into our hearts and He will do so. May God bless you both today!
Joanne Viola recently posted…Lose to Gain
What a beautiful “But God” story! I felt convicted by your question about being patient with my husband when it takes him so long to find things (and then asks me 10 times where they are!” 🙂
Betsy de Cruz recently posted…When You Need a More Creative Way to Pray
I hear ya!
Jill Savage recently posted…Can Kindness Change A Marriage?
Loved this breakdown of His Biblical love in action! Glad to have visited for today and to have this terrific reminder of grace and love being given as a reminder for each of us that He has given us the same. Blessings!
Christine Duncan recently posted…When God Tugs On Your Heart
What an amazing testimony of how loving others heals relationship especially in marriage. So often I know I can turn selfish and think of my own needs rather than unconditionally loving others.
It seems selfishness is our human default for sure!
Jill Savage recently posted…Can Kindness Change A Marriage?
It’s beautiful and encouraging to see how vulnerable you became for the sake of your marriage Jill. We all face different trials in our marriage, but I believe that answering those questions in your love audit will help us all to love our husbands more fully. Thank you for sharing your heart. And than you Brenda for hosting 🙂
Becky Hastings recently posted…The Church Project, Part I
What an awesome post. My grown daughter and I are going through a book by Stormie Omartian, Choose Love, this dovetails nicely into our study. I will definitely share with her.
beautiful. two words to keep with us, to breathe in prayer, to hang on to.
but God.
Linda Stoll recently posted…6 Books * Taking a Breather From the Break
Brenda and Jill,
Thank you, Brenda, for bringing us Jill and this fantastic post. Jill thank you to both you and your husband for being willing to be vulnerable and share your story that will help many people.
As I read – I Corinthians 13, it took on a new look. Thank you! I am so glad your marriage was not another statistic. You give us all hope.
Maree Dee
Maree Dee recently posted…Why Is Judging Others A Problem For Us?
God has used Jill’s ministry in so many ways throughout my mothering journey through the years, and Hearts at Home has a special space in my heart. I love that her story is featured here, Brenda. I love that. You are right, she is the real deal and her words…her story… have brought so much grace to others. Thank you for sharing this.
Blessings!!
Dawn
Thank you so much for being vulnerable in sharing your story. Such great encouragement. And I have to smile knowing the enemy’s plans for evil were used for your good and for the good of those who hear your story.
Brenda, Thank you for sharing this! Jill, Your wisdom about how we should be loving our husbands is so encouraging to me! I’ve printed this article out and it’s going in my prayer book. Each point is something to remember and pray over for sure. Thank you!
Leslie recently posted…What Does Perfect Really Mean According to the Bible?
Jill, thank you for sharing your heart! The 1 Corinthians 13 audit was convicting and encouraging at the same time. I can be a very impatient wife, conveyed through the tone of my voice. I am consciously infusing kindness and gentleness into my words and my voice towards my hubby. Proverbs 15:1 has become my banner over my marriage…”A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” NLT
Great post Jill and thank you Brenda for sharing it!
I love this idea of an love audit, I think it would open my eyes to where I’m failing and the places I need to grow and be more intentional!
Blessings ladies!
Julie recently posted…A Promising Way How to Not Mess Up Your Kids
Love this “but God” transformation! Jill, what a beautiful testimony of God’s enabling grace. <3
Thank you, Brenda! ((Hugs))
Crystal Storms recently posted…Benefits of Daily Restraint – #HeartEncouragement
This was great! Hope you have a fabulous week!
Lisa/Syncopated Mama recently posted…Friday Frivolity – St. Patrick’s Day Edition
Oh Brenda, I keep missing your time for the linkup?
I checked in a few times yesterday. …oh dear. Could you please make it a day longer so I could hop in too☺
Thank you for sharing Jill’s testimony.
Blessings to you
Ifeoma Samuel recently posted…Hope For The Woman Who Is Tired Of Waiting
yes, of course, Ifeoma. So sorry the timing isn’t working out for you on your side of the world. Will figure out a good extension that works well for you too, friend. <3
I can’t count the times I said “But, God” in my whole life. Too many. And yes, they’re mostly pivotal moments. 🙂
Lux G. recently posted…To The Girl Who Always Gets Dumped
Every so often I review I Corinthians 13 as you have — it’s almost like an inoculation (a booster shot!) against the wrong ideas about love that I feed to my brain. Thanks for these beautiful words!
Michele Morin recently posted…Listening to the Stories