Welcome to the 2nd edition of Fill in the Blank.
I’ve had the pleasure of being a small part of a big thing God’s doing with a new book called Never Unfriended (Lisa-Jo Baker, B & H Publishing Group). So much goodness sealed with ink on these sweet pages. Do yourself a favor and say yes to this book.
There’s much I’d like to share about Never Unfriended, but today–I’d love to know your thoughts on something mentioned in Chapter 7.
Lisa-Jo writes, “Maybe going first and admitting our un-fine isn’t a weakness; instead, it’s a gift to the women around us who can finally exhale and admit their un-fine too.”
Friend, are you as guilty of this as I am?
How often do we walk through our days, in all our superficial-glory, answering “fine” to anyone who even thinks to ask how we’re doing?
Strange how we guard ourselves so tightly that we unintentionally sacrifice what we most crave.
Here I sit, a woman well into her mid-forties, who only in recent years has made a simple, yet crucial, connection regarding friendship:
In order to be a safe place for others, I need to step across the welcome mat of their hearts and sit in the safe space they’ve created for me as well.
I’m so busy etching a spirit of belonging around others, I can forget it’s not a one-way situation.
I, too, need that sense of acceptance, but — when I break it down to its lowest common denominator — it’s easier to discount my own needs and bypass putting my un-fine on display.
Because who has time for that?
Well, turns out, none of us has time to waste doing anything less.
I wonder — what would happen if we all stopped being fine? Would the world fall apart?
No, I’m betting the world would finally start holding together for the first time in a long time.
We’re so afraid to let others into our mess, we can spend a lifetime trying to maintain the hustle, maintain control, not realizing that the thing we’re trying to hold together–is hollow.
So today, I offer up my “un-fine” on the sacred altar of sisterhood.
I pray you’ll meet me there–right in the middle of our beautiful brokenness.
And we’ll smile—because we’ll know we’re not alone.
Un-fine is:
Being perpetually tired.
Feeling like I’m failing at the majors while trying to succeed at the minors. And wondering if I even know the difference between the two.
Laundry and dishes that refuse to do themselves.
Dust bunnies on steroids.
The constant fear of being misunderstood.
Wishing to be a fly on the wall of a godly home–to see if I’m doing this mothering thing well or if I’m completely screwing up my children.
Wondering why I can’t seem to balance the writing life with the household/family life. Wishing I could do them both well, and wondering—if by trying to do both, I’m actually doing neither.
Wearing compassion until it’s raggedy, but not knowing how to take it off. How to make it easier on my heart. Sometimes wishing I cared less because it’d be easier, and then feeling guilty for wishing that.
Oh yes, the guilt. Guilt for the drive-thru suppers that happen way too often lately.
Guilt for the 10 pounds middle-age promised me and didn’t lie.
Guilt for the toppling stacks of mail and wishing for the girl of yester-year who could clean the house in a morning and read in the afternoon.
And the pressure. The constant pressure I put on myself to be the mother my kids deserve.
The never knowing if I’m enough for these people I love so much, the constant crying out to God on behalf of my husband and children.
The hope mixed with the fear.
The un-fine me.
But, if there’s one thing Un-fine Me is sure of it’s that—God’s grace is enough for it all.
Friend, He’s not limited by our un-fine-ness.
Tweet ThisWhat about you? How do you fill in the blank?
Un-fine is ? 
Congratulations to Nicole K. for winning last week’s drawing for her very own copy of Never Unfriended !! Yippee for Yay! Hope you love it, Nicole.
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Wow! That sounds really good – yes I can totally relate to so many of those like balancing motherhood and life – and the pressure on myself to do everything and be that amazing mom. Thanks for sharing Brenda!
Good to know I’m not alone, Naomi. Thanks for sharing. ((Hug))
Brenda,
Thank you for sharing, honestly, your “un fine” thoughts. For me, unfine is having a very strained relationship with my adult daughter and having to feel like I need to put on a mask that says everything is okay when people ask me about her. It just breaks my heart. I wonder if I did something wrong or somehow wasn’t a good enough mother – always taking the burden upon myself. This has been an unfine that has been going on for quite some time and doesn’t get easier. Thanks for allowing me to be unfine here.
Blessings,
Bev xoxo
Bev @ Walking Well With God recently posted…Honor Thy Mother (& Mother-in-Law)
(((Bev))) My heart aches for you, friend. Continued prayers for healing in your relationship with your daughter. And I pray for comfort for your sweet mama heart as you wait. (( <3 )) Thank you for sharing, Bev ((xoxo))
Love the “un-fine”, Brenda – you too! It DOES do something when we get gritty and show the “real” us. It builds bonds and friendships and brings glory to God. My “un-fine” is a gal who wonders if she’s doing this mothering thing right. Oh, and there’s also the dog hair sprinkling the floor. I’m still waiting on the daily maid to keep it at bay. 😉
Kristi Woods recently posted…YourStory: Debbie McDaniel
I share your un-fine-ness and wonder if I’m doing this mothering thing right as well, friend. Thank goodness we know He fills the gaps where we mess up. Thank you for sharing, Kristi. ((xoxo))
True confession: I have been known to lie to friends in order to keep the myth of “fine” intact.
Thanks for sharing much-needed words to bring truth into the room.
Michele Morin recently posted…Your Marriage: From Disappointing to Delightful
(((Michele))) Thanks for sharing so vulnerably, friend. I appreciate you. ((xoxo))
Un-fine is a living room that piled high with furniture and boxes to donate, but realizing it might all continue to sit there a while because life with my family is more important than a neat living room at the moment!
Lisa/Syncopated Mama recently posted…Old Tracks, New Tricks by Jessica Petersen
Good choice! Thanks for sharing, Lisa. ((hug))
Love this Brenda! Un-fine is going through the daily motions like nothing is wrong, while inside anxiety is wrecking havoc. What I’ve noticed is when I’ve shared my struggles online, others become more comfortable admitting their troubles too. God’s message can be so powerful when we admit our struggles.
Sharing this friend!
Julie recently posted…17 of the Most Awesome Biblical Truths Boys Better Embrace Now
((Julie)) I know that brand of un-fine well myself. Prayers for you, sweet friend. How easy it is to put on the face of fine while inside we’re anything but. — So true that His power is that much greater when we bring our struggles into the light. Thanks for sharing, friend. ((hug))
My unfine is LIBERATING! After years of striving for the elusive goal of perfection, I’m finally at peace with unfine. And in that space of vulnerability I have found community and received love and support.
Tyra recently posted…What Every Mama Needs To Know About Balance
Preach! Love this, Tyra. Thank you for sharing. ((hug))
Brenda,
My unfine…oh where do I start? Some days my unfine is so much greater than my fine. My unfine is struggling to put my daughter through University and praying away bitterness about the one who is not supporting her. Worrying if I’ve made the right choices as a mom. Trying to figure out how to keep a work desk neat…
Thanks for approaching this topic with vulnerability. Praying you and all the girls on this linkup sense today how much our Daddy loves us, how proud He is of us. May we break free of the lies of the enemy that keep us low.
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
Sherry Stahl recently posted…Old Faded Photographs
((Sherry)) I hear your heart in these words, my friend. Thank you for sharing and for your prayers and words of encouragement. Together we’ll all become un-fine when un-fine wasn’t cool. ((hug))
Brenda, such a thought provoking post. It is so true. The response “fine” puts an end to a conversation that could otherwise, be filled with encouragement. Admitting our “un-fine” is the beginning of authentic conversation which could be the beginning of healing.
Joanne Viola recently posted…Open My Eyes
I loved that quote from Lisa-Jo on the graphic as well, Joanne. Such truth in those words. — And your words here — the beginning of healing. Yes. Amen. Thank you, friend. ((hug))
mmm … F I N E closes down any kind of meaningful conversation – fast, doesn’t it, Brenda! I use it sparingly. And read between the lines when someone speaks it to me.
Linda Stoll recently posted…The Grace of Guarding & Cherishing Your Creativity
You know, that’s insightful of you, Linda. I’ve noticed that fine was the go-to non-response we all use to be polite, but it’s good to read between the lines of what’s not being said, too. Thanks for that insight, friend. ((hug))
Brenda,
This looks like a great book. I am not sure where to begin with my “un-fine.” I don’t think you have enough space. For one Iam too tired to head to the grocery store so we will have to order out. It might even be lunch and dinner. I am weary today trying to meet my responsibilities.
Oh my you got me going. Thank you for your insightful post.
Maree
(((Maree))) I hear ya on the weary. Wish I could bring you a meal and pray with you, friend. I’ll be praying for you over that ordered-in supper though. (As we’ll be doing the same tonight as well.) Prayers for your weary heart. ((xoxo))
I’m so guilty of not being willing to be “un-fine.” Just when I think I’m getting a handle on that “people-pleasing” stuff, God reminds me I’m not! Thanks for reminding us all that God’s grace in more than enough!
Donna Reidland recently posted…“When a Friend Betrays Us” April 6
Thanks, too, for hosting!
Donna Reidland recently posted…“When a Friend Betrays Us” April 6
Oooh, the people pleasing is so easy to do, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing your un-fine with us, Donna. It helps to feel less alone. 🙂 And, hosting the linkup is my pleasure. Thank *you* for trusting your words here in this space with me. ((xoxo))
“Fine” and “Unfine”… wow! I have pondering to do on this. There are situations when that side of me where I know I am not real shows up. I later regret it. I want to look at those times and change so I show up as the daughter of Christ with His light shining through me. Thank you for sharing Lisa-Jo’s book.
I thought the “fine” and “unfine” concept was clever too, Linda. She did such a nice job on this book. If you decide to read it, let me know what you think. 🙂
Wow! The funny thing is that it doesn’t matter who looks like they have it all together, we are all a mess. No of us have it all together, no matter how easy we may make it look. We all have our own brand of “unfine”. I wanted to address this very thing in the post I wrote this week about being busy, but my husband thought it might be too much. So I took it out. But the truth of the matter is people identify more with our weaknesses and “unfine” then they do when they think we have e magically figured life out, and everything is always “fine” with us. Thanks for sharing, and for this online community!
We do identify more with people’s weaknesses, don’t we? So true, Misty. It’s almost empowering in a strange kind of way — to share in weakness with others because then we feel like we’re not alone and we can press forward together. Thanks for sharing, friend. ((xoxo))
Brenda,
I just got Lisa Jo’s book in the mail yesterday and am looking forward to reading it even more after reading your post. Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Lyli
Yay, can’t wait for you to read this book, Lyli. You will love it! Thanks for sharing today, friend. ((xoxo))
Strange how we guard ourselves so tightly that we unintentionally sacrifice what we most crave. True, true, true. Everyone ask me how I am doing since my heart surgery. It is easier to say, fine, instead of taking the time to share a struggle I am having, physcially or emotionally. I look so much better on the outside now then I did that first two months after surgery, seems like I turned a corner in the third month. But I am not recovered, yet, there are still times I feel so tired, like today. I should be out walking but my body wants to sit here and read post. So I must push myself a little, not too much the doctors said but a little. Your post hit home with me. Thanks.
(((Betty))) Continued prayers for you and your recovery. It must be hard to look better on the outside but not always feel better on the inside. Folks can’t see what’s on the inside. ((hug)) Thank you for sharing, Betty. Praying for you, friend. ((hug))
Ok, I need this book! I am saying this all the time. The world would be such a better place if there were less “fine” people. Lol. Thank you for sharing, Brenda. Let’s all break through the facade and form some real friendships, because they rock! 😉
Abby McDonald recently posted…3 Reasons Why God’s Promises Go Further Than Our Dreams
You will love it, Abby. Can’t wait for you to read it. Let me know what you think. And, yes, let’s break it all down, girlfriend. No shame in real, un-fine-ness. ((xoxo))
I received my copy of the book this week. I can hardly wait to dive into it! Un-fine for me is being able to say I’m not “fine”. I am a recovering people- pleaser and I think always have to be the strong one, the one who shows no stress or strain. I’m healing from that kind of crazy-making by resting in God’s grace and embracing my beautiful imperfections.
Jeralyn Egger recently posted…THE TALE OF THREE BIRTHDAYS….
Oh sister, I’m right there with ya. Always the strong one — but then, who takes care of the strong ones? It’s a lonely, exhausting place to be. So glad you’re finding some freedom from your people-pleasing ways, friend. “Beautiful imperfections.” I like that. 🙂 They are beautiful because they make us – us. And, they make us approachable to others. 🙂 Thank you for sharing, friend. ((xoxo))
Love this post. Thanks for being real, Brenda. My un-fine is learning to be ok with not being ok all the time. Knowing it’s ok to be a work in progress and trusting the creator to direct my steps. My house may never be as clean as I would like it to be. I may never get that 10 pounds off of me. I won’t be able to meet the needs of everyone around me; however, I can use my all my mess to point others to Jesus. Because I need Him!
Denise Crosby recently posted…Daily Reflection #10
Being okay with not being okay. — Love. — Using our messes to point others to Jesus — Amen. Great to see you here, friend. Thank you for sharing. ((xoxo))
Brenda, the first thing on your list is totally me right now … “being perpetually tired.” In my case, I think this exhaustion is caused by the weight of circumstances beyond my control, of being in a holding pattern in which I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop in a particular situation. It’s so helpful to have friends who have been where I am and understand all the emotions involved. Knowing that we’re not alone is a beautiful, live-giving thing, isn’t it? By the way, there are other things on your list that I can relate to as well; I’m just too tired to elaborate about them right now. 🙂 Hugs, friend!
Lois Flowers recently posted…What Happens in the Stretching Seasons
Oh, Lois — bless our tired selves. — Prayers for you, friend — for both physical and mental rest. Thank you for sharing, Lois. There’s always something empowering about knowing we’re not alone. ((xoxo))
Unfine is when the house is a mess, but I have to take the kids to school, then take care of my aging parents, and when I get there, I find out that some other electric supplier has come around again and switched them again, and I have to take care of making the phone calls for my parents because they can’t do it anymore, but I still have work to do at my house, and I really want to do some blogging. Praise God that He is with me through it all, and I can rely on Him to carry me through.
Ruth recently posted…5 Steps to Return to your First Love
Wow, Ruth. ((Hug)) What a pressure that must be for you. Your parents are blessed to have you. Praising God with you for His presence and His ability to be strong when we’re not. Like you, I find comfort in that as well. Thanks for that reminder and for sharing, friend. ((xoxo))
Un-fine is human and temporary.
Thank you for this beautiful assurance that no matter how unfine things are, everything will work out in the end.
Because we have a God who is more than just fine.