Seriously, God?
Well, goody.
I might’ve waved the “Word of the Year” bandwagon right-on-by this year, had I known.
Truth be told, sometimes I’m riding up front with the band, embracing my “One Word” with abandon, while other times I’m crashing the whole blessed wagon into the ditch, in “What-Was-My-Word-Again?” fashion.
Pretty sure I put in my request for a sweet, poetic word last January.
It was vetoed.
Nope, this year, God didn’t offer me a fun, cutsie word.
His 2015 word for me: Control.
Not cool, God.
My struggles with control aren’t your everyday variety, but rather that lovely brand rooted in fear.
Ever notice how fear and control are kissing cousins? Kindred hellions who roll into town and vandalize Main Street?
I’ve long struggled with anxiety, and from the outside, it’s fairly undetectable…probably due to the pseudo-benefits of Control. My white knuckles and I do a convincing job of ambling by. Problem is, when you live with inexplicable fear, you hyper-manage your life to minimize its effects. This is fancy talk for control.
Example: Let’s say we run out of sugar. I have a son who’ll drive past eighty-three stores on his way home (give or take), but I hesitate to ask him to stop for sugar because—heaven forbid— something should happen to him in those extra five minutes. Fear kisses control, vandalizing my naively cobbled counterfeit fortress.
As if to set everyone up for safety, my small shoulders assume protection’s hefty weight, carefully tending the slightest of details. This is the definition of ridiculous, friends. A downright afflicting absurdity I’ve grown all too casual with.
But, what is the alternative? Trust God?
Oh, yeah. Trust God.
Crazy how the mind so actively follows its native patterns that before we notice, we’ve traded Peanut Butter and Jelly for Tuna Salad—reality for a cruel illusion.
Recently, I read Unafraid, by Susie Davis, cover-to-cover in all of 24 hours. Like most, my life is full; I didn’t have time to read a whole book in a day. And, yet—I didn’t have time not to. If you struggle with anxiety, please, won’t you read this book? In it, Susie writes:
The weird thing about being afraid for a long time is that you get comfortable with it. And before long you start to believe fear itself keeps you safe and keeps bad things from happening. I felt like fear protected me.”
“Fear infects your life in weird ways when you believe in it, always think on it, worship it. You become a fear-er. Only I didn’t think I was a fear-er. I thought I was c-a-r-e-f-u-l. ”
Ms. Davis somehow managed to tap my mind, as her thoughts and mine share DNA. All in the name of Safety, I seek to control, carefully stacking my kindling on the altar of fear.
My heart longs not for cure, but for healing; not for “beating demons,” but for hiding myself in Him while those demons cower in the presence of the Healer.
There’s little comfort in the trap of manmade cures which rely on self to manage. (Can we say Control?) Oh, but the only fingerprints you’ll find on healing are those of Jehovah Rapha. Yes, please. Sign me up for that.
Today—as the calendar has gone rogue, revealing September already—I’d like to tell you I’ve looked these unruly cousins of fear and control in the eyes and shown them the door, but, here’s the thing:
Satan knows our strongholds. They’re his see-saw and his swing-set, his sandbox and his fort. His playground. They’re called strongholds for a reason, and if it’s a stronghold, chances are, Satan ain’t about to let go.
It’s a process, and one I’m learning has very little to do with fear and control, and very much to do with God and His jealous heart for me.
With three months left of—what turns out to be a perfectly “cool” Word of the Year—I can’t say I‘m at the finish line, but I can say I’m not driving the wagon into the ditch as much. I like how Susie Davis puts it:
I started fighting fear instead of following fear. “
Fear has only managed to darkly lead me by the elbow down a dead-end road called Control.
In baby-step fashion, I’m learning to follow the One Who goes before me and behind me. With each weight surrendered from my frail shoulders, I’m reminded that He Who sits on the throne of my life is able.
As I seek Him—somehow, in all my seeking—it is He who finds me.
Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals, is meeting me right in the center of the hollow fortress control built.
Time after blessed time, He patiently reminds me that fear didn’t lay itself down on a wooden frame and die for me—that fear is not my God—that the One Who owns control is altogether worthy of it.
Amen, says my weary soul. 
~ Blessed to link up this week with: Sue at LifeGivingLinkup , Crystal at Intentional Tuesday , Holly at Testimony Tuesday , Darlene at Titus 2sday, Kelly at #RaRaLinkup , Sarah at Tuesday Talk , Jennifer at Tell His Story , Holley at Coffee for Your Heart , Jenny at Women With Intention Wednesdays , Lyli at Thought Provoking Thursday , Susan at #DanceWithJesus, Faith Filled Friday and Barbie at Weekend Whispers ~
Brenda, I have noticed with every word of the year that the work it does in me is different than what I expected. “Believe” is my word this year, and I am still walking steps of faith and grasping the promises God has given me. In fact, I recently made a wall art for my word “Believe” to remind me to hold on and believe because I need reminding.
Sweet blessings, friend, as you learn to let go and trust in God. : )
Crystal Storms recently posted…Love Languages – Conclusion
Isn’t that so true, Crystal. Grateful for a God Who is bigger than our expectations, giving us so much more than we could “think or imagine.” ~ Believe, I like that. 🙂 Would love to hear how God’s used it in your life this year. 🙂 ((Hug))
Brenda, God is stretching me to hold on to the promises He has given me and not give up on the dreams and call He has placed within me. Believing is causing a stretching of my faith … in a faithful God.
Thank you, Brenda, for sharing your heart at #IntentionalTuesday on Intentionally Pursuing. : )
Crystal Storms recently posted…Intentional Tuesday Linkup {Week 34}
Wonderful, Crystal. So glad He’s stretching you to not give up on His dreams for you, because I sure do believe He’s using you. You’re a blessing, friend. ((( HUG )))
Brenda – I love how you compare fear and control: they are kissing cousins – Kindred hellions who roll into town and vandalize Main Street. Wow, I love that analogy. I remember the year God worked on my control issues – It was well worth it and I am glad I let Him. Blessings to you and Thanks for sharing at the Life Giving Linkup
Debbie Kitterman recently posted…Dreams, Part 4 – Symbolism
Well worth it, indeed. I’m glad I’m letting Him, too. 🙂 Sounds like you’ve had experience with these unruly cousins. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and sharing, Debbie. ~ Best to you ~
Beautifully put! And yes, I am SO going to read that book. (By the way, I wasn’t at all thrilled with my word either…trust. Eek!) But God is awesome and knows exactly what we need, so I praise Him for teaching me to trust! Thank you for sharing. You’ve opened my eyes to something I need to pray about in my own life:) Blessings!
Kristine recently posted…How to Carry the Light
Yes, Kristine, do read it, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. 🙂 Ooh, I hope you’ll write a blog post on what the Lord’s been teaching you about trust before the year is up. 😉 Would love to hear. 🙂 Thanks so much for dropping in and sharing your kind words this morning. ((Hug))
Love this –>”Fear has only managed to darkly lead me by the elbow down a dead-end road called Control.” Oh control, how I loathe thee. That book may be calling my name. I’m a control kind of girl as well. My husband, in his kindest, gentlest manner, lets me know. (wink, wink) Thanks for being transparent, Brenda. Neighboring with you at #TestimonyTuesday.
Kristi Woods recently posted…What Happens When Our Prayer Changes From “My” Will to “Thy” Will?
((Kristi)) Don’t say that too loudly, God might just decide to give this word to you next year. *smile* 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and sharing your encouragement today, Kristi. ((hug))
Thank you for linking up over at #LifeGivingLinkup I appreciate you!
Sue recently posted…3 Things You Need to Say to Help Your Marriage
Brenda, I love your honest and humour-filled style of writing! So blessed to have you as a neighbour over at the #RaRaLinkup today… anxiety and I are no strangers either, and your words presented His truth on the topic in such a wonderful way.
Thanks so much for speaking right into my heart. Blessings.
Awe, ((Hug)), thank you, Christine, for your kind words. You’ve blessed my heart today. Praise God that He’s bigger than anxiety, right?! 🙂 ((sweet blessings to you)) <3
This right here —> “the One Who owns control is altogether worthy of it.” I don’t think I’ve ever been more acutely aware of that in my life. I’m a bit of a control freak too – I like things just so, but God has been teaching me that His way is the only way to ultimately have things just-so. He is able – it’s my mantra these days and I’m so grateful that control is His. So blessed by your words today, Brenda – thanks!!
Tiffany Parry recently posted…The 40-Year-Old Classroom
“…His way is the only way to ultimately have things just-so.” ~ So very true, Tiffany. Thank you for commiserating with me today; glad to know I’m not alone in the battle. Grateful right along with you that “control is His.” Thank you for sharing today, sister. ((Hug))
I appreciate this post a great deal. We too often fail to recognize how susceptible we all can be to control and the source of stronghold behind it. We do indeed fall into the trap of almost considering it a companion that is always to be a part of us and get suckered punched by the enemy for once again failing to realize that he sees the chinks in our armor before we do! Well said! Keep up the good fight!! God bless!
Pam recently posted…Character and Clay Pots – Part II
Don’t we though…begin to think of it as a companion rather than an enemy?! Love that insight, Pam, thanks for sharing. 🙂 (((blessings)))
God has been speaking to about my desire to control everything. Great word. Also, I have to tell you how much I love your blog’s design. Beautiful.
((Hug))
Brenda, I lived waaaay too many years under fear’s control. Keep fighting dear sister. I promise you, God is faithful. I learned this truth the hard way as I lived through one of my greatest fears. But I learned that He is able to carry me through. That is my favorite shout out now. God is able and faithful. Always!
Deb Wolf recently posted…When You Need the Source of Comfort, Hope, and Strength
Thank you for the encouragement, Deb. One foot in front of the other, I’m walking my way out–in His strength. 🙂 Thanks for stopping in and sharing. (((Hug))
I love your writing style, and this post reminded me that I have been hanging out with fear and control for way too long. Thanks for sharing!
Barbie recently posted…The Anticipation Of A New Season // Weekend Whispers
Hey, Barbie. 🙂 Well, then, let’s just get these cousins kicked out of your playground too. 🙂 ((Hug)) prayers for you, sweet friend. Thanks for dropping by and sharing your kind words, today. <3
“All in the name of Safety, I seek to control, carefully stacking my kindling on the altar of fear.”
Oh so true! This is why I’ve tried to embrace the hard discipline of Centering Prayer – sitting still before the Lord , without any agenda other than becoming aware of His presence. It is HARD because the fearful, controlling me thinks I need to be doing, doing, doing!
laura crosby recently posted…3 Times Not to Let it Go
Laura, what a lovely concept—“centering prayer.” ~ Even the term has a calmness to it. “…sitting still before the Lord, without any agenda other than becoming aware of His presence.” I love that. I think of myself as a pray-er, but this—this is not something I’m familiar with. Thanks so much for sharing that, Laura…I look forward to learning this practice of “centering prayer.” (((Hug)))
Brenda, I’m looking in the mirror with this bit of authentic writing you’ve done, and seeing that my teensy control issues make life more complicated — and drive a wedge between me and whole-hearted trust in a sovereign God.
Blessings and thank you.
Michele Morin recently posted…A Watered Garden in Time of Drought
(((Michele))) Prayers for you…we can do this! HE can do this in us. 🙂 Thank you for coming by today and sharing. ((Hug))
Hi Brenda, this as honest as honest can be.
I have learned in a hard way to allow God and just follow. Ain’t easy friend because as humans our flesh tries to get in the way.
Thank God for His overcoming grace.
Blessings to you
Ifeoma Samuel recently posted…Let It Go by Natalie Abrahams
“Overcoming grace.” Love the ring of that phrase, Ifeoma. And, thankful that it’s stored in a well that doesn’t run dry. Thanks for stopping by and sharing, today. ((Hug))
I so relate to this. I tend to want to use control as a substitute for security. But it’s not. You’re right that trusting God is where our salvation lies, not in our own control. When we rely on our ability to manage life, it just gets more out of control.
Lisa notes recently posted…Who will open the door?
Lisa, isn’t that just so true? “When we rely on our ability to manage life, it just gets more out of control.” Oh how God must get a giggle out of us, sometimes. 🙂 Thanks for coming by and sharing today, Lisa. ((Hug))
Hi Brenda,
I was laughing that your word for the year was control! That should be my word too! But everything you wrote about it was spot-on and so timely. I didn’t really want to choose a word but the word renew chose me and has proved mysteriously God-whispered. Enjoyed my visit here today!
Valerie Sisco recently posted…Change: You’re Welcome Here
The God-whispered words are the best kind…I’d rather spend a year working on His agenda than 12 mos. spinning my wheels on my own agenda. 🙂 “Renew” — I like that. 🙂 Hope that it’s been a year of sweet renewal for you, so far. Thanks for dropping by and sharing today, Valerie. ((Hug))
Wow! These are powerful and thought provoking. I have never looked at fear and control as cousins but it makes perfect sense. I understand how you cannot have one without the other. May your day and week be blessed and may we all look to follow God in all.
Mary Geisen recently posted…I Love You, Summer!
Blessings on your week as well, Mary. Thank you. 🙂
I am so glad you shared this at Weekend Whispers. I also want to thank you for your beautiful words for me.
Mary Geisen recently posted…When God Says So … Weekend Whispers
I sympathize with your love/hate relationship with your word for the year. Mine was also more of a convicting one than last year’s. I was just reading last week in the Old Testament (can’t remember where) about God tearing down first, then building up. The ripping out walls, plaster dust during demo isn’t fun, but eventually we’ll see the beautiful results of God’s remodeling.
Thanks for sharing so personally about your issue with control and fear. I hadn’t thought about how related they are.
your neighbor at #TellHisStory
Love that analogy, Constance. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 Continued prayers for your family. ((Hug))
Brenda, this is such a good word. Fear is such a tool of the enemy. (and by the way, I am reading a book by Susie’s husband right now!)
A tool of the enemy, for sure. Ugh. Such a bully, he is. 🙂
Ooh, I didn’t know “Mr. Susie Davis” was an author…I must look into this. 🙂 Thanks for the info, Lyli. 🙂 ((Hug)) <3
Well, from one control freak to another, all I can say is thanks. I’m hearing your heart loud and clear.
And I know I’m not the only one …
;-}
Linda Stoll recently posted…A Journey Through Grief
(((Linda))) Thanks for coming alongside me and understanding. My continued prayers are with your family during this time of grief. (((Hug)))
Brenda,
I felt kindred to you as I read these words…Isa. 41:10 is a verse I have on speed-dial…yes…Thank you so much….praying for both of us to rest in God’s love and control 🙂
Dolly@Soulstops recently posted…6 Things you might want to hear on a hard morning
Ah, just looked up that verse, Dolly…good one, thanks for sharing. 🙂 Prayers for you too, sister. ((hug))
Yes, it’s crazy how much we crave control. I didn’t think I had a problem with control until I had to sit in the passenger seat and let my teen boys learn to drive. o.O
It’s very nice to “meet” you, and I’m looking forward to stopping by again.
Kym recently posted…Scripture and a Snapshot – Fruit of the Spirit
Yes, Kym, nothing will get you on your knees faster than having teens on the road, will it? 🙂 Thanks for coming by and sharing. ((Hug))
You sure know what to say!
It is a hollow fortress….and a lonely one isn’t it? But God in His infinite mercy and timing, brings us into His light. He is so good.
I have a baby with health issues…I lived, sometimes still do, in that control last winter when she was hospitalized and too young for the flu shot anyway. I was doing everything in my power to make sure no one in our family brought germs into our home. Well, they all got the flu. She did ending up getting the flu as well….but you know, she wasn’t as sick as long as the others. Yet she was the least healthy of them all. God had that to show me I cannot control the health no matter how I try.
I am going to look for that book! Thanks for sharing.
Chris recently posted…Baby’s First Birthday!
Hi, Chris. 🙂 I’m sorry for the health struggles of your sweet baby. Prayers for her. ((hug)) What a sweet testament to God that the baby was the least sick of them all. I had an incident not long ago where God protected one of my children, and like you, He used it as a reminder that — He’s enough. Trust is a beautifully restful place to camp out, isn’t it? 🙂 Thanks for visiting today and sharing. 🙂 Btw, the book and the author’s site are linked in red in my post. 🙂 (((Blessings)))
Thank you, I will click the link.
Chris recently posted…Baby’s First Birthday!
Hi Brenda,
You just blew me away with this post! As I read along, it was as if someone flipped the rewind switch on my own life. I felt every emotion you penned in the post – it’s incredible!
It wasn’t until Jesus called my name that I, like you, had any peace. He is my everything. I love what you said in your post, that … “He patiently reminds me that fear didn’t lay itself down on a wooden frame and die for me…’ That gives me chicken skin all over!!! Truer words were never spoken.
My prayer partner and discipler told me, “Jodee, fear is of the devil. Remember that He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)
We are overcomers, my sister by the power of His Holy Spirit, alive and living within us — all of us that He calls His own. I pray that God will continue to bless you in your calling and may He also continue to cover you in the shadow of His wings as He strengthens you with His wisdom, love, grace and healing.
Much love, in Christ
His daughter, Jodee
Jodee Sturm recently posted…What to Believe and How to Behave – Paul Presents the Gospel to Rome (A Blog Series – Part 16)
Overcomers, indeed. Love that, Jodee. 🙂 Thanks for sharing these lovely words of encouragement. ((sweet blessings to you)) <3
Brenda, I just found you on Crystal’s Tuesday linkup and wanted to come visit for your comment there echoed my feelings about Crystal as well. She has been so sweet and kind to me as well and that is so reassuring in these days of less and less contact with “people” and more of this online stuff. But through linkups and people like her, we actually can have some relationship through these blogs and our posts. Most center around the One Who created us the way we are so finding others who love Him and honor Him makes the circle closer.
You have reminded me that God has been running my 2015 word — “Expectation” — through my head and heart to look at again about now. I have been keeping my eyes and ears open as best I seem able to expect God to be right with me, nearby, that I should “expect” Him to guide, to love, to discipline, to respond at all times. I have not been in those shoes as often as He would have wanted but I am learning.
I love your website design and will be back.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
~ linda recently posted…Unsearchable
Hi Linda, nice to meet you. 🙂 So glad you dropped by. It doesn’t surprise me at all that Crystal has been a sweet source in your life as well. She is a sweetheart. 🙂 ~ “Expectation” — that’s an interesting word, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that one before. I like it. 🙂 Thank you for coming by and saying hello. Look forward to getting to know you. ((blessings))